I Can Has A Home?

I may be a college-dropout soon.

See, I'm at UNO because I received two scholarships:

Jackson OS, which paid $2000 a semester, and was used for tuition, and

Privateer Merit, which paid $2000 a semester, and was used for housing.

Overnight, Jackson OS doesn't exist, and PM has been cut in half.

I had to pay $1500 out of pocket to be here-- which isn't that bad. However, I still had t scramble to find the money. My parents have really bad credit, and so couldn't cosign a student loan for me, effectively negating that as an option. And my federal aid never happened-- it was dependent on my dad and his side of the family sending in some documents, and I'm not sure they ever did.

So money is scarce.

Because of these cuts, I magically owe the university almost $4000.

In text: four thousand dollars.

I could barely get my hands on one thousand.

And the worst part is that no one ever told me.

In order to move in, I had to have a zero balance. So I know that as of August 19th, my scholarships were intact. But after that, anything is possible. I don't know how long I've owed all this money. No one ever emailed me or sent me a letter or dropped by my dorm or anything. There was no warning or notification.

And I can't pull that much money out of my ass at the drop of a hat.

And I'm scared to go down to the Bursar's office and confront them, because they have the right to kick me out on the spot if I can't supply the funds. And I'm scared of letting that four thousand just sit in my webstar account and fester, because they'll bill me at the end of the semester and I still won't have that much money. And I'm scared, overall, of having to pack up and go back home to Texas.

I don't want to leave Grace. If I have to live so far away from her again, I'll spend all of my days just vomiting acid on everyone.

I don't want to be so far from Michael ever again, either.

And I don't want to leave Danny. Or Kiefer, or Hattie, or David, or Dylan, or Travis, or Addy, or all three of the Alexs, but especially the important one.

And I just don't know what to do.

I don't think I'm cut out to be an adult.

I'm just afraid of the world and all the bad things in it, and I'm just so appalled, constantly by the way some people treat others. It baffles me, absolutely baffles me, how stupid some of my classmates are. I know it's mean to say, but it's true.

And I just find it incredibly unfair that the girl that compared Johnny Depp's sweat-beads and blue aliens to, uhh, a backmassage can afford college and I can't.

Because I feel like I'm pretty bright.

I'm not that great of a person, and I have no redeeming qualities, but I'm sufficiently intelligent. I can survive in the world.

But I can't survive in the workplace without a college degree, and I can't get a college degree without money, and I can't get money, period.

And I just need someone to tell me what to do.