But I'm Not Ungrateful?

When I was a kid, I was very small, and had a very quiet heart.

And, it's tough, being both small and quiet.

If you're a mouse, you get eaten by the lion.
So I had to act loud. Be as loud and as obnoxious as possible so that no one would ever guess at how tiny I really was.

And that was tough too, to go completely against my nature.
I just want to whisper and mouse around and be too little for anyone to notice, too little for anyone to bother or antagonize.

I just want to be smaller than I ever can be.

I didn't ask for anything.
I didn't even accpet an offer.
I didn't do anything wrong.

I said a mean thing.
You said twenty.
I will always defend Michael.
No one gets to talk shit about him.
You have no idea what he's done for me, what a good friend and person he is.
You have no idea what has happened to me and to my life.
You do not know me.
You do not get to judge me.
You certainly are allowed to be mean to me, because I mostly deserve it.
But you do not get to be unreasonable and irrational, and then complain that I am immature.
I am immature. I am seventeen, almost eighteen.
I am a good kid, with a good head on my shoulders and my heart in the right place.
I know that.
I do.
I do.
I do.
And you do not get to make me second guess myself.
I will change.
Not because anyone asked, but because everyone needs to change.
But even after, when I'm a new person, shiny with an extra coat of gloss on top, you will still not be allowed to talk badly about Michael in front of me.
You will still not be allowed to push my buttons.
Because I will push yours in return.
And you have bigger buttons than I do.

I don't mind wandering around a mine field.
I always cheat at that game, anyways.
But, I wish you would go ahead and blow me up.
It would be so much easier to press F1 and move on.