I'm gonna learn to play guitar.

It's something that I've always wanted to do, and I'm going to start taking lessons before this year is out.
(Listening to Regina Spektor always makes me wish for musical talent.)

I met a boy.
He sort of fell into my lap, like most of the things in my life seem to do. His name is Taylor. I don't know him very well-- not at all, really. And he sort of lives in Mississippi. And, oh yeah, he's a year younger than me.
We're not in a relationship. I'm not that stupid, you know?
But, if he happens to visit me in New Orleans, I won't object.


I feel like my whole life is like that.
"If" instead of "when." "Maybe" instead of "yes."
I like it that way.
Nothing is certain. The sun may not come out tomorrow.
But, no matter, I'm always prepared, with my half-assed soloutions for problems that don't exist yet.
And I'm going to survive.

(Not that my life is in danger at the present point in time, just in general.)

I'm going to survive healthily and happily.



That being said, I'm supposed to die this year.
I don't think about it much, but it is pretty scary.
I mean, I'm about to be eighteen, and there's a significant chance that I won't even wake up tomorrow.
Ehh. Keep your eyes on the future, right?

"And then I set all the bottlecaps I own afloat,
And it's the greatest voyage in the history of plastic!"
Mmm. Regina, Regina, Regina-uh-uhhh.

My dad isn't talking to me.
I think he's all but disowned me.
I know he has my phone number, he just hasn't used it at all.
And I'm not going to call him because, as stupid and childish as it is, I haven't done anything wrong. I'm not going to be the one to call and apologize. He was the jerk, he was the one in the wrong.

"Be the better person, Jordan. If he dies in a freak accident tomorrow, you'll realize how dumb this is."
No. I already realize how unbelievably petty I'm acting.
But I'm tired of taking the high road. Most of it is uphill, and I just don't have that sort of energy right now.
Besides, I'm seventeen. He's forty-something. He should be setting an example for me to follow. I'm just being a good daughter and learning whatever lesson it is that he's teaching. Because I
Do
Not
Care what he says, I was right and he was wrong.
I've made my bed, and I'm lying in it. It's actually pretty comfortable.