Sometimes, I just get mad.
I feel like I don't deserve to talk to the only person I want to talk to.
Because Michael just puts up with so much shit from me, and I'm never able to return the favor. I'm not as good with words as he is, and he's way too intelligent for me to be advising. It seems like whenever I have a problem, he makes me restate how I feel in a different, less emotionally charged way, so that I can look at the situation from a different perspective. And then he makes a corny joke, to get me laughing, so that the scenario isn't so upsetting.
And I understand that. I understand the technique and how it works, I just can't seem to apply it. I admire Michael so much that whenever the friendship tables are turned and I should be comforting him, I get so tongue-tied and end up tripping all over my words. An effort to please him quickly goes south, and I end up this colossal failure.
But, I don't mean too, you know? I can't help the high esteem I hold him in, and the pedestale I put him on. It's a natural reaction to seeing all of the traits that I'd like to have in another person. He really is my role model.
And I just want to make him proud of me.
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