Today:

I feel vulnerable. I feel fragile. I feel sensitive-- not moody, sensitive.

Things I do not like to hear when I'm feeling this way:

"You were so pretty over the summer." -- Complete Stranger.

"I used to pick on you because I knew you had potential. Now you're almost close to being okay." -- Relative.

*Plays MafiaWars every day, but refuses to text/ call/ communicate with daughter. --Father.

[...leave me alone...] and let me go to sleep. That'll make me happy. --Boyfriend.

And I know that I'm not being fair.

I know that all these feelings I've got already swirling inside me have got me more upset and hurt than I should be.

I just don't understand why he isn't as worried as I am.

Whenever I make passing jokes, he freaks out and gets a little sick to his stomach. But now that the Big Scare is really here, he just brushes off my concerns.

I know he has his own issues to be upset about. I just wish I were with him right now. I've never figured out how to be comforting long-distance. If I could curl up next to him and make him talk out his thoughts to me, I'd be useful. But phones are cold, and so is his tone when he tells me that I can't help him and he'd just like to sleep.

Things I've Decided This Week:

I will seek a counseling when I return to UNO.

Because Alex is right; it's probably the only free therapy I'll ever receive. I should take advantage of the offer.

And Katrina is right when she believes that she deserves help.

And I deserve help, too. This is the first time in my life where I feel that I am worthy of the option to reach out: for my sake, and for the sake of this relationship that I'm desperately clinging to.

And I'm going to overcome this.

I'm a rough and tough girl; I can do anything.

Just watch me.