Thursday, May 26, 2011

This is Unnecessary.

(really, I'm only posting this here because I know no one uses this site anymore. I just want to document my memories so that, hopefully, when I'm old and have grandchildren, I'll still remember.)

I met Alex the afternoon before my first trip to a bar/ the French Quarter. It was Decadence Weekend, but I didn't really know what that meant. I had gone up to my room to change, while Grace went over to either Danny's or Cody's room. We were going to meet at the Pussy Palace. So I'm walking up to the smoker's benches, nervous because the only time I went anywhere without Grace was when I went to class, and there are people standing and talking at the benches, and I just feel horribly nervous. One of the guys is wearing a black Pink Floyd shirt with gray jeans, and has sunglasses tucked into the front of his shirt. Looking back, maybe I was lonely because Grace had a boyfriend and I didn't. Maybe I was just ready for my first real relationship. I like to think that it was just "meant to be." I don't really remember our first words, or what happened to the person he had been talking to, but I remember snatching the guy's sunglasses off his chest and playfully starting a game of keep-away.
At some point, I turned my back on him. He grabbed me by the arms, pinned me to his chest, and demanded that I give them back. I did. He promptly sat down on the nearest bench, me in is lap. My heart was going what felt like a million miles a minute, and I know that I blushed. I may act coy and flirtatious, but this is not how I regularly behave with boys.
He introduced himself as Alex, and I introduced myself as myself, and we just sort of sat there for a few minutes quietly talking, me in his lap, until Grace, Danny, and Cody came out of South Hall. I immediately felt embarrassed as I realized that Grace, looking at this, must have thought I was acting particularly slutty. So I hop off Alex's lap, and we start walking in the same direction-- he to his car and me to Cody's. On the way, he offers me his cellphone. It's pulled up to his facebook, and the search engine.
Are you kidding me? Instead of asking me for my number, he wants to be my facebook friend? (I still think this was a super weird move on his part. And although he's never explained himself, I guess I get it. If a girl isn't willing to be your friend, she probably would have given you a fake number anyways.) So I add myself and walk away, thinking I'm never gonna see him again.

WRONG. The very next day, Grace needed to go to wal mart to pick up some groceries and her cinemark paycheck. I ask if Alex can come so I can get to know him better, but we quickly realized that her boyfriend, Cody's date, and the two of us fill Cody's five-seat car. I texted Alex to ask if he'd like to drive me there. He responded that yes, he would. At this point I was skeptical. I think I even told Grace that if I was murdered, she'd know who did it. But I got in his car, and we went to wal mart-- probably the most redneck first date ever-- and then we went back to his apartment.

At his apartment, he flips on the tv and we start watching MTV's silent library, easily the stupidest show ever. But Alex had this knack for making it funny, somehow. I remember really enjoying it. Then, out of no where, he's all, "Let's lay down, it's kind of cold in here and the blanket isn't big enough to cover us both sitting up."
I'm such a sucker, I didn't even realize what was happening. All of a sudden he's on top of me, kissing me, and I'm soooo nervous because this is NAWT what I had in mind. So I spilled the beans: "I'm sorry I'm a horrible kisser. It's been a year since I made out with anyone andI'mstillavirginsorry." It was so horribly embarrassing that I'm still shocked at how well he handled it. Alex didn't even blink. "Alright. Let's practice kissing."

So we did. During the commercials of Silent Library, so that actually watching the show was almost painful, just waiting for the next break so we could be kissing again.
My first date with Alex last thirty-six hours. He had to go home and get ready to be pledged into Kappa Sigma fraternity. When he was done, he came to my dorm room to spend the night. That first week, I slept in a shirt and my jean shorts-- belt and all. Eventually I paired down to pants and a bra, then to bra and panties. I did not sleep naked with Alex until after I'd lost my virginity. We slept in my dorm room for two weeks, then I moved into his apartment. It took Alex almost exactly one week of knowing me to ask me to be his girlfriend. I had sex with him a week and two days after that.

And maybe our relationship did move quickly. I can't say that I regret it. I spent my entire life distrustful of men, and vowing to never drink, use drugs, or have sex. Being with Alex has made me grow up in a way that I literally could not have accomplished on my own. And although he isn't always the best boyfriend in the world, I'm glad that he's the one I picked to have this experience with, and I hope that we stay strong for years to come.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Dear Blog:

I'm so sorry that I'm sad all the time.
I'm so sorry that I can't stop crying.
I'm so sorry that this is less a blog, and more a diary, just like every other social site I attach to.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.